Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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