Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
