I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
