What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize