and you said cock pushups were impossible
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
