remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
