I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
