just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
