You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
