I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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