I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
