I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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