he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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