I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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