Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
