you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
