So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
