I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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