i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
