I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
