I accidentally burped into my bong.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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