i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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