Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
