We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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