hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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