one word: firstdatebathroomanal
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We have started to decorate penises.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
