Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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