I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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