i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
