you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I have demons in me.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
