1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
