just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
