drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
