My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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