So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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