I got her a Nickelback box set.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He did a backflip because drugs
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
