Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How does one acquire holy water?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
