you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
