Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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