Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize