There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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