Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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