What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
