I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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