I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
