I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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