So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
