awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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