Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
