we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
