OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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