You're my little dorito
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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