i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
