Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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