During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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