just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
