I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
