if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
