TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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