That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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