I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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