Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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