ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
