I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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