Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
