he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
