they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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