he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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