New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
