one might say we're banned from that church
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
