ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
