her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
