He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
