I skipped work to stalk him.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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