I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
