Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
