I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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