My hand turned me down
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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