i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I am one with the molecules
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Randomize
