you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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