is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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