I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
