JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
and she was petting her beer can
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
