I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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