we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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